I am a Geek

Now that it's officially one week before my life completely changes gears once again, the inner geek in me is starting to emerge. Who am I fooling, it really never goes away. Ive spent a good few days at school and find that nothing has really changed. I still am immensely satisfied by the process of labelling just about everything possible. I seriously sometimes spend a good couple of hours labelling and organizing things when I could be using that time to actually do the work that needs to get done. I worked through some math problems and that too puts me in a giddy kind of state. I can sit and do math for hours - it really is that much fun. I miss my university math classes...those were the classes I looked forward to. A whole page of numbers and symbols and more numbers just to get to an answer that I probably didn't fully understand was great. It's all about a process - and I like processes.

Thinking about the year to come I'm filled with mixed feelings. Right now I'm anxious - sort of like a fish out of water. I guess it's the fear of the unknown; not knowing the dynamics of each class or whether my ideas will work with the groups of students that I have. Fear of letting the students down and hindering them instead of enabling and motivating them. I'm not scared of responsibility but rather by the magnitude of the responsibility of being a teacher. I will be in contact with more than a hundred kids on any single day and each of these kids deserves my respect, attention, and support. That's mind-boggling (at least to me it is). Although I'm anxious I'm also excited. I know that once school starts my days will be MUCH more entertaining. I will no longer have to laugh in solitude at the jokes that I make in my mind as there will actually be others around that are much funnier than me to make me laugh, smile, and feel as though I accomplished something during the day. I'm looking forward to random lunch hour games, sharing the love of math and science, playing some basketball, and watching the remarkable teenagers grow into unique individuals over the course of the year.

My goal this year as a "teacher" is to be better than last year. I can improve in every way possible so I figure a new year is a good time to give it a shot. I want to find ways to engage more of the students more often, help students find ways in which each one of them can succeed. I resolve to accept that bad days will happen and that sometimes activities and lessons won't go well. I am not a perfect teacher and never will be, and that's fine. I want to offer myself to others as a resource for understand. I also want to become a better student and seeker of what is. Reality is that I have lots of goals - most of which are hard to express. It is something I feel. Acting on this feelings is key. It's truly is all about the students.

I think geeks are sometimes sappy and idealistic. At least this geek is. I like to read motivational and inspirational passages. I think anyone who wants to improve is also willing to take risks. The following passage is one that I found encouraging, especially as I've been trying to establish a positive mindset for the upcoming school year.

Risk

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.

To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.

To reach out for another is to risk involvement.

To expose your feelings is to risk exposing your true self.

To place your ideas, your dreams, before a crowd is to risk their loss.

To love is to risk not being loved in return.

To live is to risk dying.

To hope is to risk despair.

To try is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

Persons who risk nothing do nothing, having nothing, and are nothing.

They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, or live.

Chained by their attitudes, they are slaves, for they have forfeited their freedom.

Only a person who risks is free.