You know that you are struggling when the trip to the dentist is the highlight of the day. That's how today started, with a visit to the dentist. It was only a year overdue and figured getting those fillings before school started was probably in my best interest. Things went smoothly and the process is essentially pain free. I always psych myself out more than necessary. The dentist is a good place for me because I focus my mind on sensation, making absolutely certain that the freezing is in full effect and my mouth is completely frozen. There is no time to worry about the future cause I'm fixated on the moment.
It was when I lost that focus that the day started to unwind. Writing this is an attempt to remain stable, keep things in perspectives, and contemplate an appropriate response to the feelings that are swirling about inside.
I feel like I have this school thing under control, but then even the smallest of unexpected events sets me off. Today that even was the damage deposit (or lack of) that I got back from my apartment. It's frustrating knowing that there are people who take advantage of situations. On a normal day, when I am capable of rational thinking, I wouldn' t have been bothered by the situation. That, however, was not the case today.
I have no reason to feel like the odds are stacked against me, yet somehow I have convinced myself otherwise. I can't bring myself to plan for school. It's a situation where I feel like I know so little that I can't even pinpoint a place to start. I then begin to avoid my fears hoping that they will magically dissipate (just like summer). I don't feel I am capable of teaching English, and two weeks is not enough time for me to learn. I have no vision of what I want my class to look like or what types of procedures are essential and effective. I am longing for that feeling of confidence, knowing that I have a grasp on something. Anything really. I wonder how long it will take to find that comfort. I wonder if somewhere inside I really do feel it, but am not letting myself see it. When I do get the courage, I check my school e-mail, and I am immediately sent into a downward spiral. As I am one of the two PE teachers they are asking for guidance as to how to prepare for health this coming year. I immediately close the message window because, once again, I'm reminded of all the things I don't know. I managed to allow myself to forget the fact that I have no clue how to teach PE, and now, I am being asked questions as to what to teach? I am the one who needs help, and lots of it. I don't want to be asked questions, I want to be given answers. I want to be at peace, if even for a little while. I want to be reassured that everything will be okay.
I want the kids in my class to grow, feel safe, and be given opportunity to step out of their own comfort zone and try something new. I want to equip the kids with the strategies necessary to face the fearful unknown and persevere (I think I can relate...). I want to build the trust that is necessary to develop meaningful relationships with these kids so we can truly enjoy, and learn from, each other.
I know...I know...it will all work out...right? My fingers are crossed.
Time to face those fears and seek guidance.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
We can all use a little inspiration
I have now reached the point of summer where my primary focus is on that of the new school year. Teaching a different grade level, at a new school, I find myself uncertain of how and what to feel.
My nights are filled with dreams that illuminate the stress of this transition. It is actually one of those re-occurring dreams. Here's how it plays out. It all starts with me realizing that the first day of school has magically arrived. I head to my class with no plan in mind. The desks are in lumps, I have no vision of what to do, where to go, or how to be. I muddle my way through the morning, my primary concern is to keep the kids "corralled." After being pushed to the limits, the bell rings for lunch. I then manage to hop on my bike, driving only a short distance down the road to find Green Valley School. I am put at ease seeing the kids that I have dedicated my time to over the past three years. They greet me with somewhat of a cold shoulder, as they still feel that they have been betrayed. Spending my lunch hour in my comfort zone, I then find myself peddling back at a frantic pace only to realize that I have missed that afternoon with my new class. At this point, the feeling of failure is generally enough to draw me out of my restless sleep.
It is fascinating how dreams bring to life the worries that consume my mind throughout the day. Although it leaves me feeling lost, it has encouraged me to plan for the challenge ahead. I am thinking about school. I am getting some planning done. This is one dream I am NOT going to live. I will be ready for that first day of school and when the lunch buzzer rings I will not be looking for the nearest exit.
Speaking of the first days of school, they will be different than what I have become accustomed to. For the first three days, the students will be at the school in the morning. Time will be spent establishing the homeroom procedures, and getting to know the students. Each student and his/her parent(s) have been scheduled for a 30 minute interview during the afternoon of one of those three days. This will allow us to plan and communicate our goals for each particular student. I love this idea, and I think that I Can Do It!
A few more words for thought before I head off to enjoy my lunch time cereal...
My nights are filled with dreams that illuminate the stress of this transition. It is actually one of those re-occurring dreams. Here's how it plays out. It all starts with me realizing that the first day of school has magically arrived. I head to my class with no plan in mind. The desks are in lumps, I have no vision of what to do, where to go, or how to be. I muddle my way through the morning, my primary concern is to keep the kids "corralled." After being pushed to the limits, the bell rings for lunch. I then manage to hop on my bike, driving only a short distance down the road to find Green Valley School. I am put at ease seeing the kids that I have dedicated my time to over the past three years. They greet me with somewhat of a cold shoulder, as they still feel that they have been betrayed. Spending my lunch hour in my comfort zone, I then find myself peddling back at a frantic pace only to realize that I have missed that afternoon with my new class. At this point, the feeling of failure is generally enough to draw me out of my restless sleep.
It is fascinating how dreams bring to life the worries that consume my mind throughout the day. Although it leaves me feeling lost, it has encouraged me to plan for the challenge ahead. I am thinking about school. I am getting some planning done. This is one dream I am NOT going to live. I will be ready for that first day of school and when the lunch buzzer rings I will not be looking for the nearest exit.
Speaking of the first days of school, they will be different than what I have become accustomed to. For the first three days, the students will be at the school in the morning. Time will be spent establishing the homeroom procedures, and getting to know the students. Each student and his/her parent(s) have been scheduled for a 30 minute interview during the afternoon of one of those three days. This will allow us to plan and communicate our goals for each particular student. I love this idea, and I think that I Can Do It!
A few more words for thought before I head off to enjoy my lunch time cereal...
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Courage to Relax
After a month of limited Internet I am now connected. There were a few things I managed to accomplish that I didn't think were possible without the convenience of the Internet. The bills got paid, e-mails got read, facebook got creeped, and managed to stay somewhat up to date on the local going ons. The biggest of those challenges, however, was completing my final assignment for the distance education class I was taking (and am now done). What I realized was that using people and books as resources works equally well. Instead of turning to google at my first thought of uncertainty (of which I have many) I resorted to browsing through past assignments, PD materials, and searching my own mind. It seemed to work out. In actuality I believe the assignment was quicker (if you call 40 hours quick) than when I have access to the net. I have a tendency to get side tracked and go off on tangents. If I begin searching for lesson plan ideas on multiculturalism I end up finding all these awesome lessons that I may "potentially" use, print out the lessons, and file them in some maniacal manner. They generally end up forgotten, surfacing a few years down the road when I happen to be completing another assignment (without the luxury of the net). It's a vicious circle.
Obviously I was busy working on a paper. That, however, had to be squeezed into the spare moments of the past few weeks. The challenge came in finding those spare moments. This summer has been hectic, busy, and full of transitions. I've enjoyed every moment, even though sometimes I've forgotten to show that enjoyment. Where to begin.
The calmness of July came to an abrupt stop around the week of the 12th. I don't generally procrastinate but apparently I am not immune to the syndrome. There were a few days of frantic packing. I think my belongings reproduced since my last move as it seemed that the piles were bigger, heavier, and more plentiful. My wardrobe went through a major overhaul. I seem to collect clothes, yet wear the same thing every day. I don't get it. I am "fashionably challenged" yet the amount of clothes would make one think that I like them. Upon closer inspection one can tell that I really have no sense of style. No style is my style. If it is soft, loose, and has a hood I will give it attention. Otherwise it gets put away (with the tag) and is lucky to ever see the light of day. I acknowledged my attachment issues and managed to collect a few bags of clothes to donate.
Finally, on the 18th, we were set to move. Thanks to a handful of strong men we were able to pack up a trailer and get my belongings to the house in Altona from the apartment in Winnipeg by noon. Must have been a combination of skilled movers and organized packing. Too bad my stuff was only the beginning. The rest of the weekend was sorting through stuff from the trailer, unpacking, and then packing as we were scheduled to leave for Rockford, Illinois on Monday morning. I was determined to be unpacked and settled before leaving. Dreams don't always come true. The kitchen, bedroom, and bathrooms got organized (sort of) but the rest would have to wait till we returned. Luckily I was able to tuck the full boxes into the "office" and shut the door to alleviate some of the anxiety of clutter and chaos.
Jumping ahead a couple of weeks (to yesterday). The office finally got unpacked. It happened to be the room that took the longest. Who knew I had some many pens, pencils, markers. That really got me excited to go back-to-school shopping. However, judging by what I have I am sure I could get by a year (or a decade) without shopping school supplies. Not sure I can lay off completely. I got this shelf that is meant for a garage, but it works perfect in the office. I spent hours finding a home for all the supplies and then labelling all the bins. So fun! (make sure you look at the picture!)
It feels much better to now have a place for everything. It is beginning to feel more like home. I now have to work on the process of sharing and being accommodating. Probably one of my major struggles and downfalls. This is not "my" space, it is "our" space. I have become accustomed to living with "me." Things are different now.
The move has been time consuming. I think the worst part of the process was having to clean my apartment in the city. The cleaning day was Monday the 27th. We had just come home from our trip and I knew that I had a paper due in a week. I could hardly afford time to clean, but it had to be done. My mom came to the city with me and we shifted into high gear and got it done. Then came the inspection. I won't discuss that. It doesn't make me happy. I'm curious as to the charges that will be deducted from my damage deposit.
The trip to Rockford. The timing worked out, and it happened to be an excellent week to get away. They had some stuff to finish on the house so I was glad we were out not able to see what was going on. The trip was phenomenal. I am a planned and meticulous person, but this time was convinced to lay off the itinerary and enjoy things as they came. The only requirement was that we be in Rockford by Tuesday at 6 pm in order to watch Mamma Mia. It took courage, but surprisingly I was able to relax. All five days were amazing. A few highlights included:
We made it back just in time for the Sunflower Festival with many stories to share. After enjoying the parade we were ready to settle in for an entertaining evening. We had a few guests that evening, which gave us the chance to catch up with Macy (Mary Poppins) and Cory.
After a week to unwind (sort of) it was time to host a grand get together with some of the students from Grunthal. I rented the pool and hosted a BBQ for those students interested in coming. After a day of prepping, which I couldn't have done without Nadine, the kids started to arrive. Either my directions weren't clear, or they got overlooked, but some students toured HUGE town of Altona for an hour and a half before reaching the intended destination. At first it may not appear as such, but these are some smart kids. They went to all lengths and exhausted all resources to get a hold of me. Although they were frustrated at the time, I think it made for some good stories. Once everyone was settled we had a BBQ and just had time to catch up. There was some DDR played (those who were late may have been lucky as they missed my SingStar performances). The unfinished basement seemed to draw interest. Apparently it is the perfect venue for spiking tennis balls at a poor victim protected by only a laundry basket. The rafters provided opportunity for chin ups. Their creativity never ceases to amaze me. I don't know what was enjoyed more, the food, or the pleasure they had from pulling all the tags and stickers from all the new stuff in our house. The house got broken in, and it couldn't have been done with a better group of people. I missed them, and will miss them come fall. The evening ended with a late swim at the pool. Climbing up the waterslide kept most of them warm enough to tolerate the below average temperatures that are seem to be par for the summer. Those kids have made my past three years a rewarding adventure. The trend continues and I owe them a huge thanks for a memorable evening!
It is that time where I need to start thinking about school. After having two days without an agenda or places to be (might be a record for this summer), I think I am ready to start thinking about the overwhelming thought of teaching grade 8 come fall. My mind needs to keep occupied. The last two days have shown me that it take more courage for me to relax than to keep busy. Unfortunately it takes a toll on those around me, as I am still learning on how to manage these frustrations in a productive manner. Focusing on school should keep things in balance.
July was a blast. Here's to August!
Obviously I was busy working on a paper. That, however, had to be squeezed into the spare moments of the past few weeks. The challenge came in finding those spare moments. This summer has been hectic, busy, and full of transitions. I've enjoyed every moment, even though sometimes I've forgotten to show that enjoyment. Where to begin.
The calmness of July came to an abrupt stop around the week of the 12th. I don't generally procrastinate but apparently I am not immune to the syndrome. There were a few days of frantic packing. I think my belongings reproduced since my last move as it seemed that the piles were bigger, heavier, and more plentiful. My wardrobe went through a major overhaul. I seem to collect clothes, yet wear the same thing every day. I don't get it. I am "fashionably challenged" yet the amount of clothes would make one think that I like them. Upon closer inspection one can tell that I really have no sense of style. No style is my style. If it is soft, loose, and has a hood I will give it attention. Otherwise it gets put away (with the tag) and is lucky to ever see the light of day. I acknowledged my attachment issues and managed to collect a few bags of clothes to donate.
Finally, on the 18th, we were set to move. Thanks to a handful of strong men we were able to pack up a trailer and get my belongings to the house in Altona from the apartment in Winnipeg by noon. Must have been a combination of skilled movers and organized packing. Too bad my stuff was only the beginning. The rest of the weekend was sorting through stuff from the trailer, unpacking, and then packing as we were scheduled to leave for Rockford, Illinois on Monday morning. I was determined to be unpacked and settled before leaving. Dreams don't always come true. The kitchen, bedroom, and bathrooms got organized (sort of) but the rest would have to wait till we returned. Luckily I was able to tuck the full boxes into the "office" and shut the door to alleviate some of the anxiety of clutter and chaos.
Jumping ahead a couple of weeks (to yesterday). The office finally got unpacked. It happened to be the room that took the longest. Who knew I had some many pens, pencils, markers. That really got me excited to go back-to-school shopping. However, judging by what I have I am sure I could get by a year (or a decade) without shopping school supplies. Not sure I can lay off completely. I got this shelf that is meant for a garage, but it works perfect in the office. I spent hours finding a home for all the supplies and then labelling all the bins. So fun! (make sure you look at the picture!)
It feels much better to now have a place for everything. It is beginning to feel more like home. I now have to work on the process of sharing and being accommodating. Probably one of my major struggles and downfalls. This is not "my" space, it is "our" space. I have become accustomed to living with "me." Things are different now.
The move has been time consuming. I think the worst part of the process was having to clean my apartment in the city. The cleaning day was Monday the 27th. We had just come home from our trip and I knew that I had a paper due in a week. I could hardly afford time to clean, but it had to be done. My mom came to the city with me and we shifted into high gear and got it done. Then came the inspection. I won't discuss that. It doesn't make me happy. I'm curious as to the charges that will be deducted from my damage deposit.
The trip to Rockford. The timing worked out, and it happened to be an excellent week to get away. They had some stuff to finish on the house so I was glad we were out not able to see what was going on. The trip was phenomenal. I am a planned and meticulous person, but this time was convinced to lay off the itinerary and enjoy things as they came. The only requirement was that we be in Rockford by Tuesday at 6 pm in order to watch Mamma Mia. It took courage, but surprisingly I was able to relax. All five days were amazing. A few highlights included:
- Deep Dish Double Deckeroni from Old Chicago (Roseville, MN). A heart attack on a plate, but it would be great right about now.
- Wisconsin is beautiful. Rolling hills, lakes, lush terrain. It was a peaceful drive, aside from the frequent downpour. One more than one occasion I visualized use going tumbling off the road deep into the ravine. The fact that we saw a car getting towed up from a ravine didn't help.
- Toll bridges. A new experience for both of us. Paid our dollar and merrily went on our way.
- Mamma Mia (Coronodo Theatre in Rockford). Awesome show. Even had intermission entertainment as an old woman almost jumped out of her seat when the music started. The show definitely inspired serious ABBA listening while driving.
- Noah's Ark Water Park (Wisconsin Dells). This was a spur of the moment decision. The billboards lured us in. I wish I could go back. I strongly recommend watching Sponge Bob in 4D! I love water parks. I had never been scared on a water ride but that all changed after this visit.
- Mall of America. It was much more pleasant this time around considering we hadn't celebrated New Year's the night before. Lots of walking, limited shopping. I learned my lesson after packing: no need to shop for clothes.
- Ikea. I found the perfect combination of bookshelves for my office. Sucks that I drive a car. Renting a U-haul would have been the only way to get the goods home. Needless to say I am still seeking bookshelves.
- The drive. A few scary experiences made for many laughs and memories. I learned to always wait till the GPS has acquired satellites before driving somewhere foreign. Driving the wrong way down a four-lane one way highway over a bride seeing oncoming lights isn't the most comforting feeling.
We made it back just in time for the Sunflower Festival with many stories to share. After enjoying the parade we were ready to settle in for an entertaining evening. We had a few guests that evening, which gave us the chance to catch up with Macy (Mary Poppins) and Cory.After a week to unwind (sort of) it was time to host a grand get together with some of the students from Grunthal. I rented the pool and hosted a BBQ for those students interested in coming. After a day of prepping, which I couldn't have done without Nadine, the kids started to arrive. Either my directions weren't clear, or they got overlooked, but some students toured HUGE town of Altona for an hour and a half before reaching the intended destination. At first it may not appear as such, but these are some smart kids. They went to all lengths and exhausted all resources to get a hold of me. Although they were frustrated at the time, I think it made for some good stories. Once everyone was settled we had a BBQ and just had time to catch up. There was some DDR played (those who were late may have been lucky as they missed my SingStar performances). The unfinished basement seemed to draw interest. Apparently it is the perfect venue for spiking tennis balls at a poor victim protected by only a laundry basket. The rafters provided opportunity for chin ups. Their creativity never ceases to amaze me. I don't know what was enjoyed more, the food, or the pleasure they had from pulling all the tags and stickers from all the new stuff in our house. The house got broken in, and it couldn't have been done with a better group of people. I missed them, and will miss them come fall. The evening ended with a late swim at the pool. Climbing up the waterslide kept most of them warm enough to tolerate the below average temperatures that are seem to be par for the summer. Those kids have made my past three years a rewarding adventure. The trend continues and I owe them a huge thanks for a memorable evening!
It is that time where I need to start thinking about school. After having two days without an agenda or places to be (might be a record for this summer), I think I am ready to start thinking about the overwhelming thought of teaching grade 8 come fall. My mind needs to keep occupied. The last two days have shown me that it take more courage for me to relax than to keep busy. Unfortunately it takes a toll on those around me, as I am still learning on how to manage these frustrations in a productive manner. Focusing on school should keep things in balance.
July was a blast. Here's to August!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Waiting Patiently...
Hopefully with in the next week we have the internet. I've missed it dearly. Lots to update - Can't wait. Until then I'll keep waiting...
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Thursday, August 20, 2009
One of those days
You know that you are struggling when the trip to the dentist is the highlight of the day. That's how today started, with a visit to the dentist. It was only a year overdue and figured getting those fillings before school started was probably in my best interest. Things went smoothly and the process is essentially pain free. I always psych myself out more than necessary. The dentist is a good place for me because I focus my mind on sensation, making absolutely certain that the freezing is in full effect and my mouth is completely frozen. There is no time to worry about the future cause I'm fixated on the moment.
It was when I lost that focus that the day started to unwind. Writing this is an attempt to remain stable, keep things in perspectives, and contemplate an appropriate response to the feelings that are swirling about inside.
I feel like I have this school thing under control, but then even the smallest of unexpected events sets me off. Today that even was the damage deposit (or lack of) that I got back from my apartment. It's frustrating knowing that there are people who take advantage of situations. On a normal day, when I am capable of rational thinking, I wouldn' t have been bothered by the situation. That, however, was not the case today.
I have no reason to feel like the odds are stacked against me, yet somehow I have convinced myself otherwise. I can't bring myself to plan for school. It's a situation where I feel like I know so little that I can't even pinpoint a place to start. I then begin to avoid my fears hoping that they will magically dissipate (just like summer). I don't feel I am capable of teaching English, and two weeks is not enough time for me to learn. I have no vision of what I want my class to look like or what types of procedures are essential and effective. I am longing for that feeling of confidence, knowing that I have a grasp on something. Anything really. I wonder how long it will take to find that comfort. I wonder if somewhere inside I really do feel it, but am not letting myself see it. When I do get the courage, I check my school e-mail, and I am immediately sent into a downward spiral. As I am one of the two PE teachers they are asking for guidance as to how to prepare for health this coming year. I immediately close the message window because, once again, I'm reminded of all the things I don't know. I managed to allow myself to forget the fact that I have no clue how to teach PE, and now, I am being asked questions as to what to teach? I am the one who needs help, and lots of it. I don't want to be asked questions, I want to be given answers. I want to be at peace, if even for a little while. I want to be reassured that everything will be okay.
I want the kids in my class to grow, feel safe, and be given opportunity to step out of their own comfort zone and try something new. I want to equip the kids with the strategies necessary to face the fearful unknown and persevere (I think I can relate...). I want to build the trust that is necessary to develop meaningful relationships with these kids so we can truly enjoy, and learn from, each other.
I know...I know...it will all work out...right? My fingers are crossed.
Time to face those fears and seek guidance.
It was when I lost that focus that the day started to unwind. Writing this is an attempt to remain stable, keep things in perspectives, and contemplate an appropriate response to the feelings that are swirling about inside.
I feel like I have this school thing under control, but then even the smallest of unexpected events sets me off. Today that even was the damage deposit (or lack of) that I got back from my apartment. It's frustrating knowing that there are people who take advantage of situations. On a normal day, when I am capable of rational thinking, I wouldn' t have been bothered by the situation. That, however, was not the case today.
I have no reason to feel like the odds are stacked against me, yet somehow I have convinced myself otherwise. I can't bring myself to plan for school. It's a situation where I feel like I know so little that I can't even pinpoint a place to start. I then begin to avoid my fears hoping that they will magically dissipate (just like summer). I don't feel I am capable of teaching English, and two weeks is not enough time for me to learn. I have no vision of what I want my class to look like or what types of procedures are essential and effective. I am longing for that feeling of confidence, knowing that I have a grasp on something. Anything really. I wonder how long it will take to find that comfort. I wonder if somewhere inside I really do feel it, but am not letting myself see it. When I do get the courage, I check my school e-mail, and I am immediately sent into a downward spiral. As I am one of the two PE teachers they are asking for guidance as to how to prepare for health this coming year. I immediately close the message window because, once again, I'm reminded of all the things I don't know. I managed to allow myself to forget the fact that I have no clue how to teach PE, and now, I am being asked questions as to what to teach? I am the one who needs help, and lots of it. I don't want to be asked questions, I want to be given answers. I want to be at peace, if even for a little while. I want to be reassured that everything will be okay.
I want the kids in my class to grow, feel safe, and be given opportunity to step out of their own comfort zone and try something new. I want to equip the kids with the strategies necessary to face the fearful unknown and persevere (I think I can relate...). I want to build the trust that is necessary to develop meaningful relationships with these kids so we can truly enjoy, and learn from, each other.
I know...I know...it will all work out...right? My fingers are crossed.
Time to face those fears and seek guidance.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
We can all use a little inspiration
I have now reached the point of summer where my primary focus is on that of the new school year. Teaching a different grade level, at a new school, I find myself uncertain of how and what to feel.
My nights are filled with dreams that illuminate the stress of this transition. It is actually one of those re-occurring dreams. Here's how it plays out. It all starts with me realizing that the first day of school has magically arrived. I head to my class with no plan in mind. The desks are in lumps, I have no vision of what to do, where to go, or how to be. I muddle my way through the morning, my primary concern is to keep the kids "corralled." After being pushed to the limits, the bell rings for lunch. I then manage to hop on my bike, driving only a short distance down the road to find Green Valley School. I am put at ease seeing the kids that I have dedicated my time to over the past three years. They greet me with somewhat of a cold shoulder, as they still feel that they have been betrayed. Spending my lunch hour in my comfort zone, I then find myself peddling back at a frantic pace only to realize that I have missed that afternoon with my new class. At this point, the feeling of failure is generally enough to draw me out of my restless sleep.
It is fascinating how dreams bring to life the worries that consume my mind throughout the day. Although it leaves me feeling lost, it has encouraged me to plan for the challenge ahead. I am thinking about school. I am getting some planning done. This is one dream I am NOT going to live. I will be ready for that first day of school and when the lunch buzzer rings I will not be looking for the nearest exit.
Speaking of the first days of school, they will be different than what I have become accustomed to. For the first three days, the students will be at the school in the morning. Time will be spent establishing the homeroom procedures, and getting to know the students. Each student and his/her parent(s) have been scheduled for a 30 minute interview during the afternoon of one of those three days. This will allow us to plan and communicate our goals for each particular student. I love this idea, and I think that I Can Do It!
A few more words for thought before I head off to enjoy my lunch time cereal...
My nights are filled with dreams that illuminate the stress of this transition. It is actually one of those re-occurring dreams. Here's how it plays out. It all starts with me realizing that the first day of school has magically arrived. I head to my class with no plan in mind. The desks are in lumps, I have no vision of what to do, where to go, or how to be. I muddle my way through the morning, my primary concern is to keep the kids "corralled." After being pushed to the limits, the bell rings for lunch. I then manage to hop on my bike, driving only a short distance down the road to find Green Valley School. I am put at ease seeing the kids that I have dedicated my time to over the past three years. They greet me with somewhat of a cold shoulder, as they still feel that they have been betrayed. Spending my lunch hour in my comfort zone, I then find myself peddling back at a frantic pace only to realize that I have missed that afternoon with my new class. At this point, the feeling of failure is generally enough to draw me out of my restless sleep.
It is fascinating how dreams bring to life the worries that consume my mind throughout the day. Although it leaves me feeling lost, it has encouraged me to plan for the challenge ahead. I am thinking about school. I am getting some planning done. This is one dream I am NOT going to live. I will be ready for that first day of school and when the lunch buzzer rings I will not be looking for the nearest exit.
Speaking of the first days of school, they will be different than what I have become accustomed to. For the first three days, the students will be at the school in the morning. Time will be spent establishing the homeroom procedures, and getting to know the students. Each student and his/her parent(s) have been scheduled for a 30 minute interview during the afternoon of one of those three days. This will allow us to plan and communicate our goals for each particular student. I love this idea, and I think that I Can Do It!
A few more words for thought before I head off to enjoy my lunch time cereal...
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Courage to Relax
After a month of limited Internet I am now connected. There were a few things I managed to accomplish that I didn't think were possible without the convenience of the Internet. The bills got paid, e-mails got read, facebook got creeped, and managed to stay somewhat up to date on the local going ons. The biggest of those challenges, however, was completing my final assignment for the distance education class I was taking (and am now done). What I realized was that using people and books as resources works equally well. Instead of turning to google at my first thought of uncertainty (of which I have many) I resorted to browsing through past assignments, PD materials, and searching my own mind. It seemed to work out. In actuality I believe the assignment was quicker (if you call 40 hours quick) than when I have access to the net. I have a tendency to get side tracked and go off on tangents. If I begin searching for lesson plan ideas on multiculturalism I end up finding all these awesome lessons that I may "potentially" use, print out the lessons, and file them in some maniacal manner. They generally end up forgotten, surfacing a few years down the road when I happen to be completing another assignment (without the luxury of the net). It's a vicious circle.
Obviously I was busy working on a paper. That, however, had to be squeezed into the spare moments of the past few weeks. The challenge came in finding those spare moments. This summer has been hectic, busy, and full of transitions. I've enjoyed every moment, even though sometimes I've forgotten to show that enjoyment. Where to begin.
The calmness of July came to an abrupt stop around the week of the 12th. I don't generally procrastinate but apparently I am not immune to the syndrome. There were a few days of frantic packing. I think my belongings reproduced since my last move as it seemed that the piles were bigger, heavier, and more plentiful. My wardrobe went through a major overhaul. I seem to collect clothes, yet wear the same thing every day. I don't get it. I am "fashionably challenged" yet the amount of clothes would make one think that I like them. Upon closer inspection one can tell that I really have no sense of style. No style is my style. If it is soft, loose, and has a hood I will give it attention. Otherwise it gets put away (with the tag) and is lucky to ever see the light of day. I acknowledged my attachment issues and managed to collect a few bags of clothes to donate.
Finally, on the 18th, we were set to move. Thanks to a handful of strong men we were able to pack up a trailer and get my belongings to the house in Altona from the apartment in Winnipeg by noon. Must have been a combination of skilled movers and organized packing. Too bad my stuff was only the beginning. The rest of the weekend was sorting through stuff from the trailer, unpacking, and then packing as we were scheduled to leave for Rockford, Illinois on Monday morning. I was determined to be unpacked and settled before leaving. Dreams don't always come true. The kitchen, bedroom, and bathrooms got organized (sort of) but the rest would have to wait till we returned. Luckily I was able to tuck the full boxes into the "office" and shut the door to alleviate some of the anxiety of clutter and chaos.
Jumping ahead a couple of weeks (to yesterday). The office finally got unpacked. It happened to be the room that took the longest. Who knew I had some many pens, pencils, markers. That really got me excited to go back-to-school shopping. However, judging by what I have I am sure I could get by a year (or a decade) without shopping school supplies. Not sure I can lay off completely. I got this shelf that is meant for a garage, but it works perfect in the office. I spent hours finding a home for all the supplies and then labelling all the bins. So fun! (make sure you look at the picture!)
It feels much better to now have a place for everything. It is beginning to feel more like home. I now have to work on the process of sharing and being accommodating. Probably one of my major struggles and downfalls. This is not "my" space, it is "our" space. I have become accustomed to living with "me." Things are different now.
The move has been time consuming. I think the worst part of the process was having to clean my apartment in the city. The cleaning day was Monday the 27th. We had just come home from our trip and I knew that I had a paper due in a week. I could hardly afford time to clean, but it had to be done. My mom came to the city with me and we shifted into high gear and got it done. Then came the inspection. I won't discuss that. It doesn't make me happy. I'm curious as to the charges that will be deducted from my damage deposit.
The trip to Rockford. The timing worked out, and it happened to be an excellent week to get away. They had some stuff to finish on the house so I was glad we were out not able to see what was going on. The trip was phenomenal. I am a planned and meticulous person, but this time was convinced to lay off the itinerary and enjoy things as they came. The only requirement was that we be in Rockford by Tuesday at 6 pm in order to watch Mamma Mia. It took courage, but surprisingly I was able to relax. All five days were amazing. A few highlights included:
We made it back just in time for the Sunflower Festival with many stories to share. After enjoying the parade we were ready to settle in for an entertaining evening. We had a few guests that evening, which gave us the chance to catch up with Macy (Mary Poppins) and Cory.
After a week to unwind (sort of) it was time to host a grand get together with some of the students from Grunthal. I rented the pool and hosted a BBQ for those students interested in coming. After a day of prepping, which I couldn't have done without Nadine, the kids started to arrive. Either my directions weren't clear, or they got overlooked, but some students toured HUGE town of Altona for an hour and a half before reaching the intended destination. At first it may not appear as such, but these are some smart kids. They went to all lengths and exhausted all resources to get a hold of me. Although they were frustrated at the time, I think it made for some good stories. Once everyone was settled we had a BBQ and just had time to catch up. There was some DDR played (those who were late may have been lucky as they missed my SingStar performances). The unfinished basement seemed to draw interest. Apparently it is the perfect venue for spiking tennis balls at a poor victim protected by only a laundry basket. The rafters provided opportunity for chin ups. Their creativity never ceases to amaze me. I don't know what was enjoyed more, the food, or the pleasure they had from pulling all the tags and stickers from all the new stuff in our house. The house got broken in, and it couldn't have been done with a better group of people. I missed them, and will miss them come fall. The evening ended with a late swim at the pool. Climbing up the waterslide kept most of them warm enough to tolerate the below average temperatures that are seem to be par for the summer. Those kids have made my past three years a rewarding adventure. The trend continues and I owe them a huge thanks for a memorable evening!
It is that time where I need to start thinking about school. After having two days without an agenda or places to be (might be a record for this summer), I think I am ready to start thinking about the overwhelming thought of teaching grade 8 come fall. My mind needs to keep occupied. The last two days have shown me that it take more courage for me to relax than to keep busy. Unfortunately it takes a toll on those around me, as I am still learning on how to manage these frustrations in a productive manner. Focusing on school should keep things in balance.
July was a blast. Here's to August!
Obviously I was busy working on a paper. That, however, had to be squeezed into the spare moments of the past few weeks. The challenge came in finding those spare moments. This summer has been hectic, busy, and full of transitions. I've enjoyed every moment, even though sometimes I've forgotten to show that enjoyment. Where to begin.
The calmness of July came to an abrupt stop around the week of the 12th. I don't generally procrastinate but apparently I am not immune to the syndrome. There were a few days of frantic packing. I think my belongings reproduced since my last move as it seemed that the piles were bigger, heavier, and more plentiful. My wardrobe went through a major overhaul. I seem to collect clothes, yet wear the same thing every day. I don't get it. I am "fashionably challenged" yet the amount of clothes would make one think that I like them. Upon closer inspection one can tell that I really have no sense of style. No style is my style. If it is soft, loose, and has a hood I will give it attention. Otherwise it gets put away (with the tag) and is lucky to ever see the light of day. I acknowledged my attachment issues and managed to collect a few bags of clothes to donate.
Finally, on the 18th, we were set to move. Thanks to a handful of strong men we were able to pack up a trailer and get my belongings to the house in Altona from the apartment in Winnipeg by noon. Must have been a combination of skilled movers and organized packing. Too bad my stuff was only the beginning. The rest of the weekend was sorting through stuff from the trailer, unpacking, and then packing as we were scheduled to leave for Rockford, Illinois on Monday morning. I was determined to be unpacked and settled before leaving. Dreams don't always come true. The kitchen, bedroom, and bathrooms got organized (sort of) but the rest would have to wait till we returned. Luckily I was able to tuck the full boxes into the "office" and shut the door to alleviate some of the anxiety of clutter and chaos.
Jumping ahead a couple of weeks (to yesterday). The office finally got unpacked. It happened to be the room that took the longest. Who knew I had some many pens, pencils, markers. That really got me excited to go back-to-school shopping. However, judging by what I have I am sure I could get by a year (or a decade) without shopping school supplies. Not sure I can lay off completely. I got this shelf that is meant for a garage, but it works perfect in the office. I spent hours finding a home for all the supplies and then labelling all the bins. So fun! (make sure you look at the picture!)
It feels much better to now have a place for everything. It is beginning to feel more like home. I now have to work on the process of sharing and being accommodating. Probably one of my major struggles and downfalls. This is not "my" space, it is "our" space. I have become accustomed to living with "me." Things are different now.
The move has been time consuming. I think the worst part of the process was having to clean my apartment in the city. The cleaning day was Monday the 27th. We had just come home from our trip and I knew that I had a paper due in a week. I could hardly afford time to clean, but it had to be done. My mom came to the city with me and we shifted into high gear and got it done. Then came the inspection. I won't discuss that. It doesn't make me happy. I'm curious as to the charges that will be deducted from my damage deposit.
The trip to Rockford. The timing worked out, and it happened to be an excellent week to get away. They had some stuff to finish on the house so I was glad we were out not able to see what was going on. The trip was phenomenal. I am a planned and meticulous person, but this time was convinced to lay off the itinerary and enjoy things as they came. The only requirement was that we be in Rockford by Tuesday at 6 pm in order to watch Mamma Mia. It took courage, but surprisingly I was able to relax. All five days were amazing. A few highlights included:
- Deep Dish Double Deckeroni from Old Chicago (Roseville, MN). A heart attack on a plate, but it would be great right about now.
- Wisconsin is beautiful. Rolling hills, lakes, lush terrain. It was a peaceful drive, aside from the frequent downpour. One more than one occasion I visualized use going tumbling off the road deep into the ravine. The fact that we saw a car getting towed up from a ravine didn't help.
- Toll bridges. A new experience for both of us. Paid our dollar and merrily went on our way.
- Mamma Mia (Coronodo Theatre in Rockford). Awesome show. Even had intermission entertainment as an old woman almost jumped out of her seat when the music started. The show definitely inspired serious ABBA listening while driving.
- Noah's Ark Water Park (Wisconsin Dells). This was a spur of the moment decision. The billboards lured us in. I wish I could go back. I strongly recommend watching Sponge Bob in 4D! I love water parks. I had never been scared on a water ride but that all changed after this visit.
- Mall of America. It was much more pleasant this time around considering we hadn't celebrated New Year's the night before. Lots of walking, limited shopping. I learned my lesson after packing: no need to shop for clothes.
- Ikea. I found the perfect combination of bookshelves for my office. Sucks that I drive a car. Renting a U-haul would have been the only way to get the goods home. Needless to say I am still seeking bookshelves.
- The drive. A few scary experiences made for many laughs and memories. I learned to always wait till the GPS has acquired satellites before driving somewhere foreign. Driving the wrong way down a four-lane one way highway over a bride seeing oncoming lights isn't the most comforting feeling.
We made it back just in time for the Sunflower Festival with many stories to share. After enjoying the parade we were ready to settle in for an entertaining evening. We had a few guests that evening, which gave us the chance to catch up with Macy (Mary Poppins) and Cory.After a week to unwind (sort of) it was time to host a grand get together with some of the students from Grunthal. I rented the pool and hosted a BBQ for those students interested in coming. After a day of prepping, which I couldn't have done without Nadine, the kids started to arrive. Either my directions weren't clear, or they got overlooked, but some students toured HUGE town of Altona for an hour and a half before reaching the intended destination. At first it may not appear as such, but these are some smart kids. They went to all lengths and exhausted all resources to get a hold of me. Although they were frustrated at the time, I think it made for some good stories. Once everyone was settled we had a BBQ and just had time to catch up. There was some DDR played (those who were late may have been lucky as they missed my SingStar performances). The unfinished basement seemed to draw interest. Apparently it is the perfect venue for spiking tennis balls at a poor victim protected by only a laundry basket. The rafters provided opportunity for chin ups. Their creativity never ceases to amaze me. I don't know what was enjoyed more, the food, or the pleasure they had from pulling all the tags and stickers from all the new stuff in our house. The house got broken in, and it couldn't have been done with a better group of people. I missed them, and will miss them come fall. The evening ended with a late swim at the pool. Climbing up the waterslide kept most of them warm enough to tolerate the below average temperatures that are seem to be par for the summer. Those kids have made my past three years a rewarding adventure. The trend continues and I owe them a huge thanks for a memorable evening!
It is that time where I need to start thinking about school. After having two days without an agenda or places to be (might be a record for this summer), I think I am ready to start thinking about the overwhelming thought of teaching grade 8 come fall. My mind needs to keep occupied. The last two days have shown me that it take more courage for me to relax than to keep busy. Unfortunately it takes a toll on those around me, as I am still learning on how to manage these frustrations in a productive manner. Focusing on school should keep things in balance.
July was a blast. Here's to August!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Waiting Patiently...
Hopefully with in the next week we have the internet. I've missed it dearly. Lots to update - Can't wait. Until then I'll keep waiting...
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